I almost forgot. March 29 marked my first year as a person living with HIV. Though I still lack my second CD4 count, I am still thankful for surviving a year without co-infections or a need for hospitalization (and I am still not required to take ARVs as my initial CD4 count last June 2012 was 518).

I thank you Lord for giving me another chance in life. Last year was bittersweet, but I gradually realized its essence. Extend my life, Lord, as I still have tasks to accomplish for my family.

I apologize for my faults to some people, and I thank you for the friends I met along the way. :-)

Last November 6, when I opened my facebook account, I was surprised to see a tagged picture of my ex-boyfriend with the caption, “You will be missed.” It got me curious, which lead me to opening his profile. There was a flood of messages from his friends, and I searched for answers.

“Tinago nya sa family nya na may nararamdaman na pala syang sakit.”

(He kept his sickness hidden from his family.)

“Severe na pneumonia nya, and nagka-complications na din sa ibang internal organs nya.”

(He had pneumonia, and there were complications to his other internal organs.)

“Na-confine siya October 31. Magka-text pa kami November 3 pero wala syang sinasabi.”

(He was confined October 31. We were texting last November 3, but he didn’t tell me he was in the hospital.)

“I told him to be safe always, and to seek treatment. I don’t get it why it slipped him.”

I cannot make conclusions based on the above mentioned statements. What I have are mere speculations. But being an ex-boyfriend, I’m pretty conclusive that everything that we did sexually was unsafe. That happened four years ago. Who knows, maybe he was unsafe too with his succeeding sexual partners. On my part, I was amiss with my sexual behavior as well that’s why I got HIV.

We met several times early this year. I was on night shift, and I was walking towards the hospital. He saw me, and invited me for tea before my duty. Coincidentally, our workplaces were near each other, which eventually lead to us meeting several times after. The last was March when we had dinner; a celebration as I was supposed to go abroad for work.

I was deeply saddened by his death because he is the reason why I was able to work in Manila. He visited me twice in the province before, and when it was my turn to visit him, he pitched in the idea of me working there. In fact, during that time, there was an opening in a big hospital. Unfortunately, we parted ways several months after I was employed.

Alvin (not his real name) lived a secret life. He has always considered himself simple, yet his family, grand. I have been to his place of residence, which is far from how he described it to me. It didn't matter to me. In the duration of our relationship, I have discovered the lies he made about his family. I didn't mind. If it was his way of coping with stress, crisis, and struggles, it was fine with me for as long as he does not do anything destructive towards me or other people. Most, if not all, of us have secrets, anyway.

But besides all that, he was a great friend. He was a person full of energy, enthusiasm, and ambition. He was full of life. Swear, I haven’t seen him looking sad, crying, or in despair. He was always positive about everything. He was hands-on to his friends as well. He accompanied me when I applied in the hospital. And he did similar things to his other friends too. Like me, he also dreamed of working abroad. He talked fondly of how he wanted to better the lives of his mother and brother.

Alvin is gone now. I may not have the documents to determine the real cause of his death, nor the authority to confirm anything, but one thing is certain, he passed away leaving unanswered questions to everybody. We talked about anything and everything before, but we failed to talk about HIV.

Alvin was a charming, good-looking, young man full of ambition and it’s sad to say that all that he has planned or aimed for were not fulfilled because of his early demise. I can always reason out that we were not aware of the existence of HIV in the country. We did not know that there was a rise in HIV cases back then. Condom-buying is not common, and we have that preconceived idea that all we get when buying one are dagger stares from store attendants and other store patrons. I have never heard of any campaign against HIV back then, or maybe we were just busy with a lot of other things.

One lesson that should be learned from Alvin’s death is that, HIV should be taken seriously. To all people out there, especially the youth, you will just be starting your lives after graduation. Love yourselves, protect yourselves, and fulfill your dreams by preventing the transmission of HIV. Talk about it; make others become aware of it so that safe sexual behavior is practiced. Life with HIV is a struggle, emotionally and physically, so while you are in the know, do your part and help lead others towards the safe direction.

I am Pinoy Positive, a young man from the Philippines living with HIV. Aside from running the halls of the hospital for more than three years as an ICU nurse, I also run half-marathons in road and trail races. I was diagnosed on March 2012 just as my career in the healthcare industry was about to take off. I was set to work abroad, but HIV did not permit me to do so.

I already received my work visa to go abroad, and my departure date was set on the second week of April. However, during my medical exam on March 29, I was diagnosed positive for HIV. My remaining two weeks in the Philippines had already been planned. However, because of the diagnosis, I was left with much confusion as to what to do with my life. I wouldn't be able to work abroad, and I had already resigned from my job which I held for more than three years. HIV deprived me of a great career and a lot of other possibilities.

I was advised not to seek treatment right away because I only had the ELISA test, an HIV screening test. I had to wait for another three weeks before the results of the Western Blot test came out. I was almost certain that I was going to be positive for the confirmatory test as I thought back to my past sexual experiences, though a little part of me hoped that the initial result could have been caused by something else.

Those three weeks of waiting for the confirmatory result were one of the most agonizing periods of my life. I had difficulty sleeping at night, and I found myself crying every time I woke up. I also had suicidal ideas. At work, I had access to narcotics and other dangerous drugs. I had thought of injecting myself with large doses of narcotic analgesics and jumping off a building. That way, I would have been drowsy as I fell, and unconscious when I reached the floor. I fear pain, and I wanted a quick, painless, and sure death.

I told myself that if ever I get hospitalized, I would secretly mix my intravenous infusion with a high dose of Valium. It would induce sleep, and I'd eventually die of overdose. I have this fear of death, yet I wanted to end my life badly.

For a time, I had thought of myself as invincible. Why would I fear anything when I was sure of dying in the first place? I chose to walk home from work even if it was already in the wee hours of the morning, unmindful of possible robbers. I invited danger. I told myself, it is more of a sin to end my own life than for others to end  my life for me.

In every suicide attempt though, what kept me from doing the deed was my family. How can I ever abandon my younger brother, who even in our 20's, would still invite me to play arcade games with him in the mall just like in our younger years? And my mother who chose to be away from her family to work abroad? And for the record, she has worked for more than 30 years in the Middle East.

No one from my family and friends knows that I have HIV. But deep in my heart, I know I have already disappointed them for allowing myself to contract the disease, and I would just hurt them even more if I let HIV rule my life. I acknowledge that I made numerous mistakes in the past, but I would not allow HIV to dictate how my new life would be.

After a certain period of time, I started blogging, and created alternate accounts in twitter and facebook. I have interacted with fellow pozzies, and got inspired by how they have handled their lives, and eventually became successful, especially in their careers. They made me realize that although the journey would not be a walk in the part, it would be beautiful in the end.

In one gay social networking site, I created an account with the aim of making fellow Filipinos aware of the increasing number of HIV cases in our country. I especially encourage HIV testing, and was surprised to receive replies from people asking me where to get themselves tested. And I do get pleased when I receive messages that their results turn out non-reactive to HIV and other STIs. Recently, there were a couple who tested positive, but were still thankful for the early diagnosis. They are currently under treatment in an HIV hub.

Today, I am picking up the pieces. Slowly but surely, I know I will be in track once again. HIV is just a tiny bump in my life. My journey still continues, and life has still lots to offer. Being positive with HIV, ironically, brought a lot of positivism into my life.

This is my second article with PositiveLite.com, Canada's online HIV magazine. Visit their site by clicking HERE for valuable stories, news, and other information related to HIV and people living with it.

My second article can be accessed in their website through this LINK.

Puerto Galera

I first heard of Puerto Galera from the early 2000 indie movie, Duda (Doubt).  Some of the scenes were shot there, and from what I saw, it’s similar to the gay scene in Malate. When I transferred to Manila in 2009, I’ve been curious to go to these places.

It was Holy Week in 2011 when I finally went on a trip to Puerto Galera. I worked on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday in order to secure rest days on Saturday and Sunday. My gay friends were already there as early as Thursday, and I brought along a female friend when we went there on Saturday morning.

How to Go There

Puerto Galera, by the way, is the northwesternmost municipality in Oriental Mindoro. If you are travelling from Manila, you take a JAC Liner bus (located near Taft MRT station) that will take you to Batangas pier, which is the last stop of the bus. Travel time is around two hours, and bus fare is less than 200 pesos.

There are actually four major points of Puerto Galera: Sabang Pier, Muelle Pier, Balatero Pier, and the most popular of them all, the White Beach. Secure a ticket from any of the shipping companies there that traverse to White Beach. Travel time is around 45 minutes.

But of course, the two paragraphs above are common knowledge to the LGBT community. And a friend once told me, “Every gay man has gone, at least once, to Puerto Galera.” I disagree a bit, but then again, for sure, every gay man has heard of Puerto Galera, or heard personal accounts from their gay friends what happens in the place especially during Holy Week.

White Beach

When we arrived in White Beach, the very first thing I noticed is how thick the crowd is. I didn’t expect that the stretch of the beach is not that long, but the hotels and inns are just too many. I actually thought of it as a mini-Boracay: very popular which makes it very crowded, which in turn makes the stretch of the beach appear shorter.

There are also a lot of restaurants there. Some offer steeply-priced food while others serve budget meals. Activities that you can do there include banana boat ride, volleyball, frisbee, skim board, jet ski, island hop, or simply, people watching. My group even tried the famous Mindoro Sling together with our lunch. Hehehe!

Hot bodies abound Puerto Galera, mostly males. Hahaha! At least, all the hard work in the gym paid off for those who flaunted what they have. To which a part of me decided to hit the gym when I return to Manila (I jogged instead, but still did not achieve the Galera bodies of others. Hehehe!).

I was also surprised to pass by a kiosk which offers free HIV testing (sadly, our group did not pay attention to it). And at night, some advertisers gave away condoms.

Galera Nights

We slept mid afternoon after the late lunch since the Mindoro Sling got us a bit buzzed. We had a quick dinner immediately after we woke up, and I couldn’t understand the excitement of my companions as we head to the beach front for the night party.

Well, I finally understood it as we arrived in the beach front. The bars and restaurants had their own shows, from spectacular fire dancers to impersonators to live bands, but the crowd seemed to be united as they danced on the beach to the fusion of loud music from the bars.  Galera just explodes at night time! People party there like it’s the end of the world. They danced on top of tables, hugged and kissed openly, and chattered over Mindoro Sling. It was crazy and fun at the same time!

In Manila, bars are usually closed in observance of the Holy Week. In Puerto Galera, it’s totally different. I was feeling quite ambivalent as I have been accustomed to traditional Holy Week celebration especially back in the province, and somehow, I felt that the festivity is not quite right. But then again, times have probably indeed changed. I believe that Galera is about openness and acceptance.

Love

Just like Malate, Puerto Galera has been the venue for the LGBT community to be themselves. There are no pretensions, no masks, and no need to hide. Love is everywhere in Galera: love among friends, and those in relationships. The energy is uplifting in Galera. It gave me a sense of oneness with the crowd. The music drowned all my worries. Galera made me real.

Note: the photos from this blog entry were taken last April 2011 and September 2012.

Why blog? My dear friend Marvin, who unfortunately passed away recently, encouraged me to start my own blog as it was also his way of coping with stress and sadness that he felt after his diagnosis. Together with creating my anonymous twitter and facebook accounts, blogging seems to be an effective way of communicating with fellow HIV-positive individuals, and at the same time, help the newly-diagnosed sort the shared feelings we have with being HIV-positive. My blog is still a work in progress since I do not post entries as often as I wanted to, but I really try to provide useful information too with the hope of educating readers about HIV, especially its prevention.

Marvin was happy to inform me that he was writing for PositiveLite.com, a Canadian online HIV magazine. I was able to read his contributions there, and was impressed on how he articulated himself. He encouraged me to write for the magazine too, but I had second thoughts since I have a problem with composition.

However, several weeks ago, I read a tweet, calling for those who are interested to become guest contributors for PositiveLite.com. I tried my luck. A part of me wanted to reach out to people from other nations. Fortunately, I was invited to contribute an article. A million thanks to the wonderful people behind PositiveLite.com

For my first offering, I submitted an introduction about my personal journey with HIV.

I am Pinoy Positive, a young man from the Philippines living with HIV. Aside from running the halls of the hospital for more than three years as an ICU nurse, I also run half-marathons in road and trail races. I was diagnosed March 2012 just as my career in the healthcare industry was about to take off. I was set to work abroad, but HIV did not permit me to do so.

Here's the LINK to my story.

And it is also featured in Daily Love.

Five months after leaving Manila, I finally returned, but only for a few days. My aunt booked me a flight with her to help fetch my cousin who recently took her board exam.

A lot of things entered my mind as I was on the plane. First, I know I got the disease in Manila. Until now, I can’t pinpoint who I got the disease from. And to be truthful, yes, I engaged in random hook-ups when I was still living alone. Worse than that, I neglected to practice safe sex in some occasions.

Shortly after diagnosis, I actually tried to search in facebook and another gay social networking site the people I had sex with in the past. I wanted to know the person who might have infected me. It came to my knowledge that an ex-boyfriend died of liver abscess this January, and another one I dated died of meningitis last October 2011 (click HERE).

Coincidentally, on my second day in Manila, while riding in a train going to Ayala, a Chinese-looking guy beside the door caught my attention. I stared at him trying to recall where I met him, and he stared back. Well, his height was a giveaway; I had sex with him before. Although we did it several times, they were all protected sex. But why did I see worry in his eyes? Or maybe paranoia was just playing tricks on me. We were still staring at each other when I headed towards the door of the train. We were beside each other, catching glances, but there were no exchange of words.

Is knowing who infected me really that important? I had protected sex with him, but why worry?

Maybe some questions are better left unanswered. I'm guilty of dwelling too much in my not-so-distant past.

Surely, there’s still pain in my heart. I had a promising career in Manila, and I was two weeks short to going abroad until I was diagnosed HIV-positive before my departure date. One night of sex turned into a lifetime of regret.

Me, working as a nurse here is purely accidental. I was visiting an ex-bf in Manila when he heard from his friend that a new hospital is going to open soon, and then he encouraged me to submit my resume. And that is how the story of how I worked for more than three years in that hospital started.

Manila was my stepping stone. I built my dreams here. As my workmates started to resign and eventually landed jobs abroad, I started to solidify my qualification by passing several international exams. I was a good nurse, but not a good employee. But eventually, I attempted and successfully gained my manager’s trust and confidence. My promotion came at the time that my visa abroad also arrived. And I chose the latter. Of course, one of my dreams is to work abroad, and secondly, I want to provide a better life for my family.

But because of HIV, I lost both ---- my job abroad, and my work in Manila. I lied to my family why I wasn’t able to go abroad. I isolated myself from my friends and co-workers. I went back to my province, and made sure to have no, or at the very least, minimal contact with people I know there. Up until today, my family thinks that I went home to rest since my papers abroad is still being processed. And they like it that way knowing that work abroad can be very tiring and embracing a foreign culture is difficult.

My plan of going back to Manila in search for work is nearing. I have mixed feelings. I’m a new and changed person now. Well, mostly new point of view since I already know my limitations and the purpose of me going back. It’s much clearer to me now. I still have this fear of what awaits me there, but I hope I’d still be as motivated and dedicated as I was in my previous job. Fingers crossed. Manila, be good to me please the next time I return.

For those who missed the episode of Bawal ang Pasaway last Wednesday, August 22 (I did, unfortunately), I attached here a segment of the episode which I found at the website of GMA. The guests of Prof. Solita Monsod include Wanggo Gallaga, HIV positive and writer for the Philippine Star, and Philip Castro, program officer of the United Nations Development Program.

Mareng Winnie: "You know na ikaw ay kandidato for AIDS only because you know your own sexual behavior."

Personal Note:

I always feel sad every time I see interviews about HIV such as this one. Mareng Winnie even said, "How can someone as intelligent and as knowledgeable as Wanggo contract AIDS?"

In my family, humility aside, I am considered the brightest among the children, having graduated with two courses, and two professional licenses under my name. I even worked for big companies. Those were the proud moments of my mother. Now that I have HIV, and I haven't disclosed my status to any family member or even to my friends, I just can't imagine what their reactions will be. I don't even know when the right time is to disclose about my status.

For now, I thank God for my high CD4 that I still do not need to take ARVs. It is just my ardent wish that when the right times comes, I'll be accepted by my family, most especially by my Mom.

Keep safe everyone, and God bless you!

Immortal Body, Immortal Pain

Marvin: One of my beloved artworks I created. I offer it to all those who feel depressed and burdened with life. Suicide seems like a viable and only option but then, it never is. This is an artwork to express that terrible loneliness.

Immuno-compromised

I have sores all over me:

They scar my fragile surface

Like constellations

Spanning the universe

Of my feeble flesh.

I gasp and sigh.

I hear the delirious

Whispers from my thighs.

These are not moans

But the sole sounds of my bones

Breaking into mourning.

Maybe I should be glad

That something still feeds on me.

I want this love to die

But it cannot be.

It is the disease

Which runs alongside

The potent malady in my being.

Compromised I will forever be.

But with you, I find the strength

To make myself immune

Against all this insanity.

*Marvs, I may have failed to ask for your permission to post some of your works in my blog, but I'm pretty sure you'd allow me to, and you'd be delighted.

*Marvin's artwork can be found HERE, and the link of his poem can be found HERE.

More than three years ago, I chanced upon a young man on a gay social networking site, guys4men. Although normal conversation between users in that site involves sex and meet-ups, we talked more than that. He was into literature: short stories and poems. His enthusiasm in these forms of art reminded me of an ex-boyfriend, which made me like him. His name is Marvin. We sometimes chat over YM, and have exchanged friendster accounts. However, our communication halted, probably because he was busy with his studies, and I, with work. We eventually forgot about each other’s existence.

April of this year, after I was diagnosed with HIV, I stumbled upon people living with HIV in facebook and twitter. I needed help, I was in a state of panic. One of them encouraged me to make a blog, telling me it will feel better if I ventilate my feelings through writing. He shared his blog too. Upon seeing his cartoonized photo, I felt that I know the person I’m communicating with. I asked him if he is Marvin. He said yes.

His comment in my blog entry: Bits and Pieces

What a small world we have, really! Marvin and I never met in person, but in a span of several years, we met again over the Internet. Only this time, we are both HIV positive.

He is one of the very first persons who knew about my HIV status: talked with, listened to my worries, took the time to monitor my daily activities; gave me instructions on what to do; made sure that I’m alright; calmed me; cared for me.

He was diagnosed last February 2012, and his initial CD4 count was 2 (which makes him an AIDS case), yet he fought the battle well. His voice still reverberates in my ears at times, and I can still hear him calling me “Kuya” with so much enthusiasm. He told me that he is surviving at 2, and added that I’d be sure to survive better because of my early diagnosis.

We talked about online writing work, as that is what we do for a living. He was a book reviewer. I still am a marathon and real estate news writer.  He suggested a lot of other online sites where I can earn, and work is home-based at that. His eagerness to help others is just so wholehearted.

At around third week of July, he told me that he fainted while working online. I told him to tell his mother about that, and that he should go to his hub for consultation. He refused. He feared that his mom might not allow him to continue with his online work. When he fainted the second time, I learned from other twitter friends that he had himself checked by his HIV hub.

His comment in my blog entry: Somewhere over the Rainbow

And then the weird messages from Marvin came. He questioned the researched and tested data about HIV and AIDS. He told me he has found the cure. He said he was an elite controller. He said he was misdiagnosed as having HIV, and should have been diagnosed as schizophrenic. I told him that maybe he has just read a lot of books, and that he internalized what he has read. I told him that when people read about schizophrenia, for example, a person may find some schizophrenic traits within himself. But that doesn’t conclude anything unless diagnosed by a medical doctor.

That wasn’t the Marvin that I know. It was the virus talking. AIDS got him really bad, and destroyed his thoughts.

I admit that I somehow neglected Marvin. I believe that I do not have the authority to give him advice (medical or personal) as it may jeopardize his treatment. I refused to be self-righteous either. I have always encouraged him to talk to his doctor. It’s just so sad to know that in that state, others may have harshly judged him. Yes, I felt that he may have lost touch with reality, but were we therapeutic in dealing with him? He was a young man at 21, and he was helpless!

Last August 15, from twitter, where Marvin and I usually communicate to each other, I received the news that someone passed away. Then I received calls from twitter friends telling me it was Marvin.

You did not die in vain, Marvin. Your literary works will always be remembered by your friends and by our community. I will always remember your eagerness to help others through your advocacy. We may not always agree on some things, but no two minds are alike anyway. This will not be the last time I would hear about you, as more and more people will talk about you, your mission, and your advocacy.

You will always be my makulit younger viral brother.

For your reference, here are the links to his blog sites:

thesexysquid.blogspot.com

plagiophile.blogspot.com

posithive-cutie.tumbler.com

touchtalent.com/profile/1866

He was also a contributing writer to Positive Lite.com, Canada's online HIV magazine. Here are the links to his entries:

Mirvan's Story: The Uninvited Guest

Army of Two

Little Steps

Positive Lite.com's tribute article to Marvin: click HERE

The STD Project's tribute article to Marvin: click HERE
Marvin's interview with The STD Project: click HERE

I watched the movie simply because I believe that Eraserheads is one of the most influential musicians in the Philippines. I grew up listening to their songs. I adored them, idolized them, and it even came to point in my life that I studied and played the drums and be part of a rock band. As I saw the trailer of the movie, I also wanted to know who plays who among the characters in the songs of Eheads: Shirley, Toyang, Jay, Aling Nena.

The movie, indeed reminded me of high school. I wasn’t able to attend the several reunions of our batch, simply because I worked then in Manila. Some batch mates are already working abroad, so expectedly, the turn-out of the reunions was unsatisfactory. But hey, there’s always facebook to keep us informed of the whereabouts and activities of each other.

In the movie, one main character said, “Cool naman tayo nung high school, sikat naman tayo. Ano nangyari sa atin ngayon?”

I can’t help but ponder. Not all those who graduated with honors became the richest of our batch. In fact, most of those working abroad now were the quiet ones seated at the back, and those not belonging to the top sections. Having lots of money does not necessary equate to happiness, but then again, in reality, the status of a person is attributed to his wealth, whether you will agree with me or not.

Now that I have HIV, and probably the only one in my batch who has HIV, I oftentimes ask myself, what happened to me? I was studious, I had lots of friends, and modesty aside, I even graduated 9^th from our batch. There are some questions that I know I wouldn’t be able to answer now, but maybe some questions are just more powerful than the answers. And maybe it will take some time to discover the answers to those questions.

Shirley (played by Bangs Garcia) is one of the characters closest to reality. From being referred to as “manang” in the batch, she eventually became a model for sexy magazines. In high school, I’m really glad to see batch mates becoming doctors and lawyers, others became fond of travelling, exploring the world, engaging in meaningful activities such as photography, teaching, and even preaching. It’s amazing to see people who you wouldn’t imagine being the persons they are now.

Did high school define me? I thought it did, as I still am the person who strives to do good in whatever I do.

Did I become as successful as my classmates and teachers said I would? I thought so, until HIV got me. But hey, I was just born recently, March 29, 2012. I still have lots of years ahead of me to become successful once again. And that’s being positive.

No, this is not a movie review. It’s just me and my random thoughts.

Today, August 16, marks the feast day of Saint Roch, the patron saint of plagues, pestilence, and AIDS. He is also known as Saint Roque and Saint Rocco.

Saint Roque is usually depicted in Catholic churches as the one with a walking stick on one hand while his other hand is pointing to a wound in one of his knees. A dog is sitting by his side with bread in its mouth.

Saint Roque was born in 1295 at Montpelier, France to a wealthy and noble government family. He was born with a red birthmark in the shape of the cross on his chest. When his parents died at the age of twenty, he gave away his considerable fortune to the poor, handed over the reigns of the governorship to his uncle, and went on a pilgrimage to Italy.

In Italy, he was very diligent in tending the sick, and is said to have effected many miraculous cures by prayer, the sign of the cross, and the touch of his hand. Due to his constant contact with the plague victims, he became ill himself. Because of his illness, he wandered into the forest to die.

Away from the people, Saint Roque made himself a hut of boughs and leaves. He was miraculously supplied with water by a spring that arose in the place. He also survived hunger when a dog constantly supplied him with bread. The dog would lick his wounds, eventually healing them.

On his return to Montpelier, he was arrested as a spy and was thrown into prison. The orders ironically came from his uncle, who was then the governor of the city, who failed to recognize him. Saint Roque did not reveal himself to avoid worldly glory.

He lived in the prison for five years until his death on August 16, 1327. Only upon his death was the birthmark on his chest was discovered, and the governor grievously saddened by the loss.

Prayer for AIDS to Saint Roque

Dear mendicant Pilgrim,
You once took care
Of sufferers from the plague
And were always ready to help others
By kind service and fervent prayers.
You yourself had no home
And you died in a dungeon.
No wonder countless invalids
Have confidently invoked your help.
Please grant a cure to

(name of sufferer),

and help us all become spiritually healthy.
Amen.

References:

http://365rosaries.blogspot.com/2011/08/august-16-saint-roch.html

http://newapologia.com/prayer-aids-saint-roque/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Roch

After discovering my HIV status, I quitted everything. I abandoned my life in Manila. I had a blossoming career in the health care field, but because of the cancellation of my work abroad, I also cancelled my work in Manila altogether.

I can’t say it was a bad decision, though at times I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t have been so decisive when emotions were still high. But what can I do? I panicked, and I had no one to turn to, no one to answer my questions. Thank God for Google, the presence of social networking sites made me sane. So to those who own blogs and write about their personal journeys, just continue writing because at most times, you’ve helped troubled souls without you even realizing it.

It has been four months now since i left Manila. So I made a list of personal things I missed most about it:

top: S&R food-trip: cheese-overload Calzone; my new donut discovery, Chewy Junior; set dish from John & Yoko

middle: Basix at Dusit Thani; Unlimited Sushi at Yakimix; Basix dessert selection

bottom: Yakimix dishes; Basix dessert selection; 7 Corners at Crowne Palaza

• Participating in Running Events.

I still remember the date when I started running, June 12, 2010. I started with 5km. Others find running boring. I, on the other hand, find it practical. Living near Bonifacio Global City enabled me to join running events. And my addiction to running increased as I joined races in Roxas Boulevard, Rizal, and Tagaytay. There was even a time that I joined 21km races for three consecutive weekends. Hahaha! My farthest distance is 32km.

Since I stopped running for several months after diagnosis, I know it will take time before I start to pick up the right pace for me. So while I am still here in the province, I make sure that I do a lot of exercises so that when I return to Manila, hindi na mabilis hingalin. I do mostly cardio exercises in the gym right now, and I’m surprised that gym goers start young nowadays. Effect talaga ng media. But well, para din naman sa health, so why not. :-)

top: post-Tagaytay trail run; who wouldn't want to run along with these hunks?; La Salle Run

bottom: Men's Health obstacle Run (ako sa gitna); Adidas run with some celebrities; challenges of trail running

• Out of Town Trips.

Baguio has got to be my favorite place in the Philippines, and being in Manila made it easy for me to access Baguio. The deepest and the most comfortable sleep I had were spent in Baguio. Hehehe! The place is superb, and the food, heaven! And the most mababait taxi drivers can be found in Baguio. :-)

I skipped swimming back in college, but that did not hinder me from snorkeling in Panglao and in Coron (with life vest, of course!). I miss being in the water (with my workmates and mamang bangkero beside me, hirap na malunod. Hehehe!).

With the promo air fares happening every now and then, being in Manila would have given me the chance to go to different provinces. But sadly, I feel so isolated here in the province. But I’m hoping that once I get back, I could travel na with a future partner (fingers crossed, LOL!).

I miss out-of-town trips!!!

• Food.

When I joined the Milo group and the Adidas group, I was told by some members that a runner’s best diet is the “see-food” diet. Whatever food you see, you can actually eat. You will burn it off anyway, especially when you engage in long distance running.

Yakimix is spelled L-O-V-E. Well, there are a lot of other Japanese restaurants in the metro, but Yakimix is still my favorite. One big factor is its accessibility. Hehehe! Nasa mall kse, so you can watch a movie after then coffee, then boy-watching. LOL! Just kidding!

Mercato Centrale. Main reason is its accessibility (again! Hahaha!). And for the several years of Banchetto’s existence, I haven’t been to one. Well, I wish someone would take me there, anyway. Hehehe! *wink*

top: Xian Tian Di at Crowne Plaza; Gellatisimo in BHS; Xian Tian Di

bottom: Xian Tian Di: Yakimix: cakes from Sugar House and Secret Recipe

• Friends.

Definitely, my friends were the main reason why I stayed for more than three years in my former workplace. And the friends that I am referring to here are my former workmates. No matter how “toxic” the duty can be, their presence just makes the weight of the situation much lighter. And at most times, it’s automatic for us to help each other in work, hindi na kailangan pa sabihin. Isa-isa na silang nagsi-alisan ng bansa actually, and I’m happy for them. No one knows about my status, although one suspects, pero I just jokingly tell them na pasalubungan na lang nila ako ng Starbucks tumbler with the print of the country they are in. :-p

top: Run BGC medals; that's me bidding goodbye to the Kalayaan Bridge; QCIM run with Boy Runner

middle: fun Unilab event; spot me in the middle pic; cute dog in the Rexona Run

bottom: still from Unilab; finisher's shirt and medal; still from the Unilab run

• "Alone-time"

After living alone for more than three years, my ears have already adjusted to the peace and quiet of my own place. Now that I’m back in the province, hindi ako sanay sa ingay ng mga kapamilya ko (maarte lang talaga ako. LOL!). But seriously, I remember back then that I would even put the TV off so that I could focus on my online writing work.

Yun lang, I have to pay my rent, my electricity, water, and internet bills. And there’s laundry pa, and transportation. How can a nurse in the Philippines pay all those? Tamang pagtitipid, of course. Hehehe! Whereas at home, libre lahat. Pati stress, libre din. LOL!

I have made a long entry already, but I know there are a lot of other things I miss about Manila. I’ll take a visit there next month, and the several months to come. Most probably, I’ll transfer early next year. My plan, for now, is to spend Christmas and New Year here with family. For three years, I celebrated the holidays at work, and at times with friends and significant others. For this year, family comes first. :-)